Something odd happened the other day, or more accurately, the other night. My wife Ann’s bicycle was stolen right off our front porch. That morning like Abraham, Martin and John, we looked around and it was gone.
I guess the slug that took it needed a bike and felt he or she was “entitled” to ours. Needless to say, we were “irritated-off” but stuff happens. Often bumps like this cause a domino effect that pulls you in a new direction.
That’s what happened. We wished we’d seen it happen. I figured I could have prevented the theft and Ann figured she could’ve gotten off at least three shots. Did I mention she was really mad?
Anyway, we decided to take advantage of technologies that the NSA deploys. We decided to “spy” on our yard.
To that end I emailed ADT asking what they had available. We’ve used their interior alarm system forever and their recent TV advertising has been touting their security surveillance services. I figured it wouldn’t hurt to inquire.
Wow, I knew I was behind the tech wave but didn’t know how far. They sent a representative out to give us a rundown on services available and costs.
I was impressed. This isn’t an infomercial for ADT as a bunch of companies offer similar services. What really got my attention was how neatly these things worked and what they provided.
Holy Mutual of Omaha, we now have our own personal “Wild Kingdom!” Anytime there’s movement in the yard, patio or porch, a camera records what moved, like wayward possums or stalking cats.
The individual items go to a website where they remain for 30 days. You can check out what triggered each at your leisure. It’s a hoot.
I love this part of this new cyber world, but in all honesty, I am glad they didn’t have such when I was a kid. Sneaking into the house after coming home late from a date was an art form. I learned to move like an Indian, but a gizmo like this would’ve kept me restricted to the reservation for sure.
But in a few cases, it could’ve saved my scalp. I remember getting up real early to go hunting. I was about dressed when Dad came into my room and wanted to know what in the world I was doing getting home at 5 a.m.
It took me awhile to convince him I’d been to bed and was simply going hunting. Once I submitted the evidence of my gun, vest and shells laying at the ready, he grudgingly admitted my innocence. He left me with the admonishment “Be quieter.”
So now Ann and I have our personal reality shows. “The Adventures of the UPS Delivery Man” comes on about every day. “Stray Dogs of Midway Park” has a recurring schedule.
Our puppies now star every day in their production of “Guarding the Patio.” I’m sure “The Great Squirrel Chase” will appear now and then.
“CSI Front Porch Rat Thief” has hopefully been canceled.
Otis Gardner’s column appears here weekly. He can be reached at email@example.com.