Squirrel attack leaves its mark

Published: Wednesday, July 31, 2013 at 04:53 PM.

I make snap judgments when I run into things not supported by what I think I know. To wit, last week my wife Ann and I were sitting on the patio as is our evening custom when she suddenly uttered an expletive and pointed to a chair cushion.

Such vocal outbursts aren’t unusual for my wife. Ann has a vast vocabulary of expletives that she can machine-gun as situations demand. I’ve always thought she’d be great giving a college course teaching sailors how to cuss.

She said a squirrel had chewed a hole in the cushion. It wasn’t a big deal to me. I told her to go ahead and get a replacement when she found one she liked, but added that I doubted a squirrel was the culprit.

I figure I know a lot about squirrels, having hunted them unmercifully in my younger years. Unless this one was a distant relative of my past victims out for revenge, I doubted a normal squirrel would have interest in a cushion.

We returned to our pretzels and wine and I gave no further thought to Ann’s assertion of a rodent attack upon our patio furniture. But lo and behold, the very next day she emailed me an iPad movie recorded through our glass door of Squirrelzilla tearing stuffing out of the cushion.

The little rascal had a mouthful of cotton so big he could barely see over it. He jumped down and headed into the neighbor’s yard presumably to deposit the pirated booty into his nest.

Ann said he repeated the process during the day. Since the cushion was already irreparably damaged, she let the little fellow pick cotton to his heart’s content. The only thing missing from her movie production was "That Lucky Old Sun" as theme music.

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