Generally I have no idea what subject I’ll write about each week until a news blurb or random thought rings my bell. I guess that’s why I have a cere-"bell"-um.
Not true. Hopefully my fingered thoughts are connected to my cerebrum, not my mid-brain and surely not my reptilian hind-brain. At least that’s my perception, notwithstanding regular comments to the contrary.
However, this week produced no ding-a-ling, not even a clunk. Oh there was tons of stuff flowing out of the television tubes and off the printing presses but nothing that seemed especially fascinating or noteworthy.
President Obama went to Israel. Since his motivations always seem exclusively political, I figure it’s just another campaign event, so give absolutely no credence to anything he says.
Some schools have banned the term "Easter" for any celebrations this year. They’ve renamed Easter eggs "spring eggs." Why do parents stand for stuff like this?
On the heels of that nonsense word came that a school principal up north canceled recognition ceremonies for honor-roll achievers because non-honor-roll achievers would be attending. Had this weirdo become a preacher, I assume he wouldn’t marry anybody unless everybody in the room got married.
FedEx agreed to buy 14 jets from United. Good. Now QVC can deliver my wife Ann’s orders faster.
New York is offering a $500 reward for reporting illegal gun owners. Talk about easy money!
I’ve never been to New York but figure it’d be easy to ride around and spot some punks loitering on a dark street corner somewhere. Drop a dime on them. Give authorities the location of the gathering, plus your routing and account number to deposit your reward. It’s odds-on weapons will be in the crowd.
Those thoughts are silly, but the concept of spying and reporting on people around us is troubling to me. There’s a lot of history behind such practices and much of it is ugly. I would’ve thought a little better of New York politicians, but that probably shows how silly I am.
I don’t mean to pick on New York, but Gov. Andrew Cuomo wants to change his gun law to now allow 10-round clips, but it’ll be illegal to load more than 7 rounds in them. Thank God somebody is really doing something meaningful about violence in America. Snort.
Ryan and Julianne broke up. I know that only because I read it before realizing not a cell in me cared one way or the other. I wish them well.
That little North Korean leader threatened us again. It’s nice to see a pygmy succeed. I’m not referring to the size of his body but of his brain.
Congress is voting on budgets that can’t get passed. I’m glad they’re not wasting our time and money.
Twitter turned seven. I don’t even know what it is although I understand it contains a huge number of "followers."
Speaking of followers, college basketball tournaments are in full swing. I’m pretty much out of that loop … or hoop. I’m sure it’s my loss.
No news is no news.
Otis Gardner’s column appears here weekly. He can be reached at email@example.com.