Some schools go beyond what is reasonable

Published: Wednesday, March 13, 2013 at 11:51 AM.

I’m so very lucky to have made it through schools emotionally intact. Back in the 1940s and ’50s, they didn’t "know" what they do today and just plodded blindly along teaching reading, writing and arithmetic without concern about horrible things happening on their playgrounds.

Everybody knew kids played games during recesses and cutup during lunchtimes but apparently were too focused upon teaching to bother checking for overbites. Things have changed.

Recently a kid was suspended from school for two days because he bit a Pop-Tart into the shape of a gun. Thank God it didn’t look like a nuclear weapon and cause the evacuation of the city. You can’t be overly careful with Pop-Tarts.

Another school punished a child because he formed his hand into a gun on the playground. Rumor has it he said, "bang- bang." I almost fear to admit to having thousands of "bang- bangs" in my past. Amazingly, I can’t tell you the last time I shot somebody in real life so I sort of wonder why it matters.

Besides shapes of pastries, fingers and thumbs or sounds kids make, which are currently in progressive crosshairs — apologies to the anti-crosshair factions — some schools have banned all forms of touching.

I guess they think their students are incapable of distinguishing the difference between a congratulatory high-five and a punch in the face. That makes me pretty smart. I knew the difference by the time I started school, although we actually didn’t have such a thing as "high-fives."

What’s going on in this country? If it wasn’t so biologically improbable, I’d believe a stupidity germ emerged, creating a pandemic of raging idiocy.

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