I was shocked to learn hunger invaded the halls of Congress, but truth be told that might help explain some of what goes on in those halls. I asked Google about the subject and it turns out starvation has a number of distinct symptoms.
Among those symptoms are mental dysfunction and confusion. Now things are making more sense, and thanks to Debbie Wasserman Schultz I have clearer understanding of liberal insanity.
With a straight face, this Democratic leader announced that her staff and colleagues were not eating balanced and healthy meals because of budget cuts. Who knew?
Obviously this Debbie woman is much smarter than I thought. She saw through the sequestration by identifying the true purpose behind it.
We conservatives are trying to starve liberals in government service. I’ve seen the light because sequestration left the electricity on so there was light to see.
Conservatives asked the public to believe the core fiscal problem today is out-of-control government spending, but now the real truth is out. The real purpose of the cuts was to take food away from D.C. Democrats.
They’ve apparently become so totally dependent upon Congress’ dining subsidies they won’t be able to maintain their health and strength without them. Doesn’t sound right, but Debbie says it’s so.
Speaking of food, I wonder if many years ago she had a cake named after her. I think it and Ding Dongs fell prey to union gluttony but I’m not sure.
This whole budget thing has been exposed as a vast right-wing conspiracy to harm Democrats. It reeks of a Hollywood sequel, "Hunger Games II – Apocalypse Chow." I’m at least half-right. It most definitely reeks.
Now I’m thinking this fiscal famine could spread over to the White House. I pray the First Family won’t be reduced to eating "Lobster Helper." Also, I certainly don’t want my president’s official dinners to feature wine served from Mylar bags.
If this all seems silly, it’s because it’s intended to be so. Liberals must appeal to the clueless because they make up a significant portion of their base; therefore, their messages must be flavored for that palate.
"Unfair" you say? Does any thinking individual in the real world truly believe a few percentage cuts in a cafeteria’s budget will measurably degrade Washington staff member’s health? Nonsense.
I regularly ate cheap high school lunches including salmon patties and peanut-butter sandwiches. I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer but doubt those Havelock High School meals killed many brain cells.
Debbie has cooked up a ridiculous and frivolous tidbit to be fed to the ridiculous and frivolous. Those who gobble that stuff up should worry less about their stomachs and more about their brains.
I’ve seen letters and articles that say conservative dinosaurs like me should just roll over and accept the new normal. Liberal politicians bend facts but can’t alter math forever.
This crowd is cooking up a poison dish containing $20-plus trillion of debt that will eventually eat us. What’s the Greek word for "burp?"
Otis Gardner’s column appears here weekly. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.