Economy doesn't seem so bad at McDonald's

Whew, I'm so happy the recent economic downturn upturned. It happened Friday morning and I was a witness.

I knew the economy was back because every shopper in our area was at Cracker Barrel when I pulled into the parking lot. It took me awhile to find somewhere to tie up my Isuzu, but I finally did.

I wedged myself inside to find out how long the wait for a table would be. By then, the list was so long they weren't accepting anybody over the age of 50. I got the hint and hit the road.

Not to be denied morning sustenance, I automatically defaulted to "plan B" and headed to McDonald's. I guess everyone wasn't across the street because they were also swamped.

But, I wasn't in the mood to unpack another plan so took my place in line.

Observing the hubbub all around the place made me smile. I'm sure it bore a tiny resemblance to those who waited in line for a lifeboat aboard the Titanic.

I'm a nice guy but I wasn't about to step aside for women and children. Hot cakes are nothing like icebergs.

Drive-thru was totally not an option. The line of cars stretched around the building and onto the street. However, had the lane been vacant, I wouldn't have driven through it. I never, ever use that "convenience" anywhere, anytime.

I'd much rather park, get out, order, get what I ordered, and return to my car. For some reason, my voice doesn't carry through those $10 speakers they all seem to use. I simply won't waste my time and theirs yelling stuff into plastic holes in the outside menu.

My words don't seem to arrive in tact or even in sequence. I've never understood how "cheeseburger" can garble into "milkshake." But, I'm not alone.

Such miscommunication has been a problem for decades. Way back in the 1960s I recall Enterprise's transporter room sometimes having the exact same trouble. It'd get things mixed up regardless of how hard Scotty tried to get it beamed up right.

Good grief, I've no reason to gripe. I'm lucky compared to folks who went where no man went before. I only lose some food. Some of those guys missed the whole ship and floated away in space or were reassembled into the stuff of nightmares.

Any who managed a return to Earth, should've definitely raised Cain with that transporter company. I'll bet they employed illegal aliens, probably Romulans. I wonder why Gene Roddenberry didn't do a spin-off movie on the subject, something like "The Search for Green Cards."

I'm fully aware our economy is still in the basket. I know all this traffic isn't because people are out spending. No, they're out saving.

Stores are doing about anything to get customers this season. I saw on TV the other day a car dealer in Florida was selling new trucks, buy one, get one free.

An economic bright spot happens to be McDonald's. They're experiencing an explosion of business due to the current money crunch. People aren't eating out as much, but those who still do are looking hard for value.

The golden arch dollar menu is a great solution for big families. You can feed a Greyhound bus full for under $100.

Speaking of fast food, for the first time in my life we didn't cook our own turkey this year. We opted for two of the most valued adjectives in modern American life - fast and convenient. We ordered a fried turkey from Bojangles.

It worked out well. I was to pick it up at 6 p.m. the day before Thanksgiving. I'd already thought up two contingency plans if something happened and my bird wasn't there. In case of disaster, I'd go directly to Food Lion hoping I could lay hands on one not frozen.

If not, my second option was Kentucky Fried Chicken. On the minus side, it wouldn't be turkey. On the plus end, carving wouldn't be an issue.

Not to worry, everything worked out great. But, truth be told, there was a third option I really didn't want to think about. "Beanee Weenees." The Pilgrims would've been spinning.

Otis Gardner's column appears here each Wednesday.