Say what you need to say now, or you may regret it later

Last month at our Craven County Board of Education meeting, we watched a video made by students at Bridgeton Elementary School.

The video was set to the song "Say What You Need To Say" by John Mayer. I was going back and forth between laughter and tears watching child after child write out what they needed to say on their hands or on paper or on whatever they could find.

Some of them wrote on their hands, sending messages out like "I'm sorry" or "I forgive you."

Others wrote about their dreams coming true like "My pony" or "I want to dance."

Several wrote messages to deployed parents like "Come home safe" and "I miss you."

They were all saying what they needed to say at that moment.

I have to admit that I usually say too much. I want to make sure the person understands what I mean, and sometimes, I have to force myself to just shut up.

But often I am not even saying what I really need to say. I'm dancing all around the real issues and trying to be polite.

That's probably why I end up talking too much and never really delivering the message.

The other day, one of my girls left for school angry with me. From the time her car door slammed at 7:45 a.m. until I heard it open at 3:23 p.m. when she arrived home, I worried.

What if the words we had said to each other in a teenage hormonal frenzy and a pre-menopausal meltdown were the last words we said to each other?

I hate going to bed upset or leaving to go somewhere upset.

Thinking back to the many times over the years that people have unexpectedly died in this small town has made me a little paranoid about saying what I need to say.

I always joke with my dad because he says things like, "If I die ... "

It's really not an if. We're all going to die eventually.

The moral is to say what you need to say now and not wait.

If we each sat down with a journal and wrote a list of people to whom we really wanted to say something, I'm quite sure most of our journals would be full.

Whether it's a teacher who made a tremendous impact on our lives or a friend who we've lost touch with, there is always something we want to say someone.

I cringe at the list of people to whom I need to apologize.

We all have done things and said things and hurt people in ways that we wish we could just erase.

We can't change the past, but we can learn from it and heal from it so that our future isn't bogged down in our ghosts.

So, I'm going to challenge all of you this week - whether you are a teenager, a mother or a grandparent - to say what you need to say right now.

Tell that child you are proud of him or her.

Tell that friend you are sorry.

Tell that boy or girl you hurt that you wish you had handled things better.

Tell that person who has hurt you that you forgive him or her.

Say it - and mean it.

For those of you who can't say things easily, take a lesson from my youngest.

She spent two days last summer writing notes to her friends. She made each one unique and took the time to tell each person why they meant the world to her.

She said what she needed to say.

The bottom line is that it doesn't matter how you say what you need to say to that someone. All that matters is that you just say it.

You'll feel better about yourself and make that other person feel better, too.

Kim Smith is a member of the Craven County Board of Education and the mother of two daughters.