Parents need to stick together

Parenting is hard for everyone. Whether you are a two-parent family, single parent or blended non-traditional family, it's hard.

I'm not a parenting expert. I know I've made mistakes. I know we all make mistakes - parents and kids.

One thing that I have always tried to do is to stay in tune with my girls. I've tried to know their friends and to watch for changes in their moods and behaviors.

Those are things the experts tell parents to look for as signs of drug and alcohol abuse in teens, but those same changes can signal an entire list of other issues that aren't drug related.

So we talk, and we talk, and we talk some more.

Then again, some days we don't talk much at all. Some days one or all of us are in bad moods, and that's OK. I usually just give them a hug and tell them I hope they feel better. If they want to talk, they know I'm here.

I've learned to text, leave MySpace comments and work within their world of communication. Sometimes, I just talk things to death though, and there always comes that point when I have to be the parent and they have to be my daughters, and that's it.

The problem is that if you are active in the life of your teen, you not only see changes in behaviors but you see changes in the lives of their friends.

As you watch for red flags like major shifts in social circles and large numbers of new friends, you begin to ask questions and notice things. If you aren't asking questions, then you need to start.

If one of my girls was to suddenly stop associating with someone, I would ask why. I might ask more people than just my daughter. I'd ask around.

Let's face it. Something happened. Often it's just a natural evolution of friendships. People grow up and people change.

Other times, it's because behaviors have changed in either one of my daughters or one of their friends.

My faith makes me want to believe that all teens who travel down risky paths will find their way at some point. I cling to the hope they will learn that drugs, alcohol and the things people do while under the influence diminish their lives.

Some teens think it's fun to spend the weekend so drunk they can't remember it Monday. They look for pictures posted on Youtube or MySpace to help them fill in the blanks.

That's not living. That's avoiding life. If you're loving life, why drown it out?

Parents need to stick together. Over the years, I've had people come to me with concerns about my girls. They tell me something they had seen or heard, and they share concerns about people they may have seen one of my girls with and wanted to make me aware it.

I appreciate when people share with me. I don't always act on what they tell me in a way that is clearly evident, but I always absorb it and become more vigilant knowing what has been shared.

Everyone who reads this knows that if you see one of my girls putting herself in danger, I want to know.

I'm not sure anymore that all parents do want to know, and as a result, unless I'm sure they want to know, I set limits from my side of the parenting street.

If someone wants to know why I've set limits on a friendship with my girls and they ask me, I will tell them.

Parenting is hard from day one. The worries and hardships just evolve.

Stick together, parents. Don't judge each other, but help each other. Love the kids of your neighbor like you love your own, but love them all enough to be the parent and set boundaries.

Kim Smith is a member of the Craven County Board of Education and the mother of two daughters.