We can help our children reach their goals, no matter how grand

For me, it is always hard to know where to find the balance between helping my girls set realistic goals and squelching their dreams.

It's hard to tell someone standing in front of you with eyes as big as the world that his or her dream might not be realistic. This is the generation of "you can do anything and you can have it all," right?

I've never been able to find that balance, and who am I to tell anyone they might not be able to reach their goal anyway?

For that reason and many others, I choose to keep my mouth shut most of the time.

Instead of saying that the goal might be unrealistic, I try very hard to make a positive statement by saying, "if that's what you want, these are things you're going to need to do to make it happen."

I do believe that if you work hard enough at anything, you can be successful.

As of today, the goals for both of my girls are quite lofty.

One has been accepted to the music school she wants to attend for the next four years.

After that, she wants to audition for the Eastman School of Music and move to New York.

I tried not to choke when she said the tuition for Eastman was $50,000 a year. I think I did break out in hives from the joint trauma of $50,000 a year and the thought of her living in New York.

But, I didn't tell her that it wouldn't happen. I hope it does.

Instead, I gave her some tips for things she might need to do between now and then, like get a job to start saving money, if that is her goal.

The other one right now wants to attend Methodist University and then Duke Divinity School.

I tried incredibly hard not to have a complete and total panic attack as she talked about wanting more than anything to be a missionary in Africa.

I did pass out on New Year's Eve when she informed me she wanted to go on a mission trip to India with Clayton King.

I was walking along and the last words I remember were "I'm signing up for a mission trip to India," and I hit the floor.

I resisted the urge to say things like "You might die" or "Don't you want a nice picket fence and a family?"

Those would be my concerns and my dreams, not her fears or her dreams.

Instead, I've tried to give her the best advice I can for balancing what she needs to do to make it all happen.

I hide the hives and medicate the migraines and keep smiling.

The thing is, I can remember when I didn't think one of these girls was going to make it out of eighth grade.

One absolutely hated school. I had to make her go, and now I have to make her stay home.

She had a fever of 102 one day this year, and I had to take her keys away to keep her home. 

What changed? 

She discovered a passion that just changed her life.

With great instructors and teachers who have nurtured her, supported her and guided her, she has never looked back.

The success she has enjoyed in the past several years is something that I would have never imagined from this little person in the eighth grade.

What if I had told her then that her goals were unrealistic?

I hope she would have proven me wrong.

I can remember when the other one was so terrified she wouldn't go on a walk by herself. For a while, I thought she had been permanently changed in a way that we'd never get her back to that happy kid we all knew.

But now, she is ready to go to one of the most dangerous places on earth armed with nothing but a Bible.

What if I had told her then that her goals were unrealistic or that she had lost her mind?

One thing is for sure, they are surely going to worry their grandfather far more than I ever did, and I am smiling as I type those words.

He walks the floor worrying about one of them off to Europe this summer without us. He nearly cries at the thought of one of them wanting to move to New York, and I can't even describe what happens to Grandaddy when he thinks of one of them in the most violent and desolate parts of South Africa.

I'm going to give him props though because he has never once tried to discourage them. He just worries and prays and hopes for them.

That's really all any of us can do, isn't it?

Only time will tell what our kids are truly capable of as adults and how they will deal with the challenges life will throw their way. All we can do is help them understand what it will take to make their dreams come true and then start praying as hard as grandfathers throughout the world pray.

I'm quite sure they don't pray for dreams to fail, but for the Good Lord to bless and keep their grandchildren happy and safe. That's a big enough dream for anyone right there.

Kim Smith is a member of the Craven County Board of Education and the mother of two daughters.