Finding cures for puppy love

For those of us old enough to remember the Donny Osmond song "Puppy Love," all sorts of images are racing through our minds. The minds of our children are wondering what love has to do with puppies at all.

The unusual events of this past week have had my brain playing Donny and Jimmy Osmond songs over and over again. Maybe that's because my house has been taken over by one 17-year-old flat-out lovesick puppy.

I am usually a pretty patient mother. I was patient on the first day that her boyfriend left town, when she mentioned his name no less than 10 times and had to sleep with the teddy bear he gave her.

On day two, I was still being patient as everything in her lap went into the floor the moment the phone rang and she jumped up to answer it because "he" was calling.

By day three, when we had to delay getting out of the car because "his" favorite song was playing on the radio, my patience was wearing thin.

Later in the afternoon, I noticed she was wearing a shirt that did not belong to her at all. To my surprise (I say with much sarcasm) I discovered it was one of "his" shirts.

"It smells like him," she said with a smile.

For the record, there is no possible way the shirt smelled like anything other than our own laundry detergent and fabric softener.

After a meltdown on the evening of day three because she apparently had just realized that there were other women on the planet who might come in contact with said boyfriend, I began to actually look forward to the idea that she too would be leaving town shortly.

Never have I ever wanted one of my girls to leave, but here I was on the night of third day of what we will call "Summer Break, Chapter One" wanting to pack her bag.

At least this way she would be on a plane to Colorado and so busy she wouldn't have time to think about "him."  She might actually see that there were other men who occupied this same wonderful planet too, and see a big world out there to boot.

Her horse would not even distract her from her misery.

Truthfully, the main purpose of getting a horse was to serve as a barrier against boys. Girls will always pick the horse over the boy, right?

She rode and played follow the leader with the horse all day, but then talked nonstop about "him."

The dog was beginning to develop a complex because her master was walking around in a daze all day instead of playing ball with her.

Even the guinea pig began those high-pitched irritating screams when they are feeling lonely and neglected.

By the fourth day, I really needed a vacation myself. I had to make her leave and go to the beach and the movies.

At 2 a.m. of what was now day four, I completely snapped. 

I like her boyfriend, I really do, but I do not want to hear his name at 2:00 in the morning ever again.

And, I don't want to hear it in conjunction with the words "I miss" for a minimum of 2,000 more years.

Pure maple syrup with extra melted sugar covering honey would not be as sappy as the world I had been living in for four days.

Usually this daughter is in control of her emotions. Not so anymore.

Last summer, she was gone on a trip and threatening to break up with her then boyfriend because he had the audacity to miss her and want her to call to check in once in a while.

My, what a difference a year makes. I think she owes that young man a major karma induced apology.

Ya'll just pray for me. After he gets back from this trip and she goes to Colorado, we still have chapters 2 and 3 of "Summer Break" to go before everyone unpacks for good.

Last week, I thought the summer would never be long enough for all that we wanted to do. This week, I am wondering how long one summer can be.

Kim Smith is a member of the Craven County Board of Education and the mother of two daughters.