I was shocked to learn hunger invaded the halls of Congress.
I was shocked to learn hunger invaded the halls of Congress, but truth be told that might help explain some of what goes on in those halls. I asked Google about the subject and it turns out starvation has a number of distinct symptoms.
Among those symptoms are mental dysfunction and confusion. Now things are making more sense, and thanks to Debbie Wasserman Schultz I have clearer understanding of liberal insanity.
With a straight face, this Democratic leader announced that her staff and colleagues were not eating balanced and healthy meals because of budget cuts. Who knew?
Obviously this Debbie woman is much smarter than I thought. She saw through the sequestration by identifying the true purpose behind it.
We conservatives are trying to starve liberals in government service. Iíve seen the light because sequestration left the electricity on so there was light to see.
Conservatives asked the public to believe the core fiscal problem today is out-of-control government spending, but now the real truth is out. The real purpose of the cuts was to take food away from D.C. Democrats.
Theyíve apparently become so totally dependent upon Congressí dining subsidies they wonít be able to maintain their health and strength without them. Doesnít sound right, but Debbie says itís so.
Speaking of food, I wonder if many years ago she had a cake named after her. I think it and Ding Dongs fell prey to union gluttony but Iím not sure.
This whole budget thing has been exposed as a vast right-wing conspiracy to harm Democrats. It reeks of a Hollywood sequel, "Hunger Games II Ė Apocalypse Chow." Iím at least half-right. It most definitely reeks.
Now Iím thinking this fiscal famine could spread over to the White House. I pray the First Family wonít be reduced to eating "Lobster Helper." Also, I certainly donít want my presidentís official dinners to feature wine served from Mylar bags.
If this all seems silly, itís because itís intended to be so. Liberals must appeal to the clueless because they make up a significant portion of their base; therefore, their messages must be flavored for that palate.
"Unfair" you say? Does any thinking individual in the real world truly believe a few percentage cuts in a cafeteriaís budget will measurably degrade Washington staff memberís health? Nonsense.
I regularly ate cheap high school lunches including salmon patties and peanut-butter sandwiches. Iím not the sharpest knife in the drawer but doubt those Havelock High School meals killed many brain cells.
Debbie has cooked up a ridiculous and frivolous tidbit to be fed to the ridiculous and frivolous. Those who gobble that stuff up should worry less about their stomachs and more about their brains.
Iíve seen letters and articles that say conservative dinosaurs like me should just roll over and accept the new normal. Liberal politicians bend facts but canít alter math forever.
This crowd is cooking up a poison dish containing $20-plus trillion of debt that will eventually eat us. Whatís the Greek word for "burp?"
Otis Gardnerís column appears here weekly. He can be reached at email@example.com.